remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
