one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
