READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
