Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
