My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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