Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
