Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
