final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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