fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
