Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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