The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
