I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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