it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
