why didn't you poke me back
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
