A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
