I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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