i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just blew my weed a kiss
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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