Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
