This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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