So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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