why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
