If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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