I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
