those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
