you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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