i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize