I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
