how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You can't motorboat a personality
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
