His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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