so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
