So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
