I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
