Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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