bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
