She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
