It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
