So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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