does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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