that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
