the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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