I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
