I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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