im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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