Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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