She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
