i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
