So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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