my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
