This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
