Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
