you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
