I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
