He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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