I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
