he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
