There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
