brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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