Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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