We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
