oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
