Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
