There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
