Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
