I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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