ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
