i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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