I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
