you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
did you just send me my own nude
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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