if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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