you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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