theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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