moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
