dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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