if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize