I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we're making bets on your personal life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
