My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
