I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
