During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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