tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
