I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
