Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
